So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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