I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
