Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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