my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
