I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she peed on how many people?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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