its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
