I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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