I have demons in me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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