What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
