One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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