i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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