She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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