Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
