i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
