do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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