I'm drive I can fine osifer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
