I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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