Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize