Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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