and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
