how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
