its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
