Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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