I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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