My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I will be naked everywhere
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
