Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize