it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
