Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
