I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
