so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
