it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
