I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
