sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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