Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
love makes seman taste better
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
