She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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