we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
