I smell stomach acid.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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