the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
