This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
