My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
