You work out of a Hotel?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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