Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
