just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
