I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
