How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize