I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
