Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize