I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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