I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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