Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
