even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
