My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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