I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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