Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

We won't sleep together?

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(417): View more from Missouri

He has such a weird drunk-voice.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

dude, he's deaf.

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(303): View more from Colorado

.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate

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(970): View more from Colorado

I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night

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(573): View more from Missouri

Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection

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(727): View more from Florida

I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.

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