Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
