I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize