Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
