I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
