Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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