NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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