My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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