I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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