I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
