I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
