splinters make it hard to masturbate
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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