I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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