I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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