Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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