I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
