i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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