Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
