i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
