What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
