I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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