I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
