I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
