As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
