I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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