So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
